Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
