Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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