i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
