toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
