If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
