I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
