Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
