i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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