this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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