the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize