Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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