at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
