I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
