I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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