By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drake has all the answers
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
