i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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