just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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