the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
