I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
