Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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