Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
