Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
