She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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