Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
