Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
