I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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