Apparently you make a good broom.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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