OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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