why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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