My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
