office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
