Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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