I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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