i would punch a child for taco bell
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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