Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize