When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just want nice things and good sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize