im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
