You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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