I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
