Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
