New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
