bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
