You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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