And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
