He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
