Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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