My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
