She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
