pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
