OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize