So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize