"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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