Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
