I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
