I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
