WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We need to rekindle our bromance
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
