lets start a swedish sibling band together
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need a beard to bite.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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