There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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