Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
