I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
