What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
