Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
