News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
