I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
