you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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