I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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