can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize