just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
