doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
