I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
