I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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