Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
