He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
