My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
