"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's official drugs can't kill me
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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