Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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