i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
