can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
