I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
