I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want to be your penis for a week.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
