I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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