I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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