Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
