youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wear drunk well.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
