how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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