I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
