Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
