I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I deserve this hangover.
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