I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize