Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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