I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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