We need to rekindle our bromance
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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