the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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