and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
