I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
