Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
