Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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