I miss vodka workout Fridays
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
