Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
