I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
