dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
