I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
