i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
