Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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