Your dad touched me again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
