i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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