didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
